Im only Stiles
by xxPig.in.a.Pokexx
Summary: You know that feeling when nothing goes right, and you feel like it's all your fault? I am doing what I feel I need to do. I am protecting the people I care about to the best of my abilities, but they don't need me. They don't want me around, and that's okay because I don't want me around either. Warning: Angst, Self Harm, Suicidal thoughts, and language. Eventual Sterek
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter One: Absolutely (Story Of Stiles)

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You know that feeling when nothing goes right, and you feel like it's all your fault? No matter what you do, you can't do whatever it is you're supposed to do, correctly. See, the thing is, I **am** doing what I feel I need to do. I am protecting the people I care about to the best of my abilities, and seeing as I don't have many, I'm doing one hell of a job. They…just don't need me. I get in the way I guess. I try to laugh at myself and how much trouble I get into, but I can't because my chest tightens up because I know that soon I'll be alone. They don't want me around, and that's okay. I don't want me around either.

* * *

Normal POV

After things settled back down from the stirrup with the Argents, both packs had formed something of a treaty. Also they set a weekly routine of meetings and bonding periods for everyone. Well…mostly everyone.

"Why did you guys start without me? I texted Scott** and** Lydia, I had a run in with my dad so that's why I was a little late." Stiles explained as he settled into his neat little place on the floor.  
He had his own newspaper to sit one and everything. Of course, Erica had meant it as a joke; Stiles never actually told anyone how much it really hurt. So instead of showing it, he smiled, patted Erica on the back and said thank you while giving her a wink. Even though it hurt, it didn't hurt as much when no one changed it. His place was still on the floor, 'Like Derek's lost puppy' as Boyd and Jackson so claimed.

"I told them to wait" defended Lydia, and she filed her perfectly groomed nails.  
"No one listens to me though." Stiles looked to Scott, "what about you?" The other gave a goofy smile,  
"I didn't even notice you sent me a text dude." Stiles huffed, "Thanks there, friend," he said with sarcasm practically dipping from his words. Derek growled and everyone shut up immediately, except for Stiles. "Oh and by the way, dodged a bullet for your ass, again, Derek while you were carrying on without me."

The Alpha rolled his eyes in response. "I start, when I want to. All of my pack was here, so we began.  
If there's difficulty on your end, I don't care." Stiles rolled his eyes back, "Even though these meetings wouldn't happen if I hadn't suggested them? We would all still be fighting with the Argents if it-"with a low growl, Derek had Stiles shoved against the door of the dingy subway car. "Were you going to say something? It wouldn't be a good idea."  
The younger gulped, "oh my god…No, no I wasn't…I mean, i was thinking about saying something but, I thought it best, no-"

"Stiles!" Another growl, shut him up.

Derek smirked before throwing Stiles to the floor, none too gently by the way. "It's a good thing he had nothing to say." She scoffs. "It's not like he ever has anything important to say anyway," said Erica with a fluff of her hair. Lydia cocks her head in Erica's general direction and retorts "What was that you said Erica: 'before you were turned all you did was feel sorry for yourself and hate the world'?" The strawberry blonde smirked. Boyd and Isaac both bite back laughs as Erica stomps out of the room, and soon after everyone started to file out neatly.

Stiles still hadn't gotten up from the floor when Derek spoke again, "If you have problems, deal with them, because no one asked you to be here. You know why that is? It's because no one needs you here. Besides Scott, you have no ties to the pack. You're just a weak human. You can't protect us, so go home." When the Alpha had finished, Stiles heart was in his stomach and he was very cold. He didn't want to go home, because he knew that his dad would be home. Being around his dad meant questions, and that meant he couldn't answer them, but he had to answer, but it couldn't be the truth. He hated lying. He hated that he was so good at lying. Stiles nodded with all the dignity he could muster, picked himself off the floor and made his way back to his jeep.

'It isn't true,' Stiles muttered to himself. The old door of his vehicle squeaked shut, letting him know that he was free to let out his pain. It hurt. He didn't know why, but there was a hole in his chest was consuming all good thoughts and feelings about anything. It was a certain kind of sadness that's addictive, and Stiles welcomed that pain. It was familiar, and it was the one thing that would never leave him. The trek to his house went by a lot faster than he prepared for, so he didn't have enough time to come up with a lie that didn't make the hole in his chest bigger.

Stiles' feet felt heavy, like the bottoms of his shoes are made of glue and his feet coated in cement. The youth could literally hear his heart beating out of his chest as he reached for the door and stepped inside. The air in the house was about as chill as his nerves; Funny, because his nerves were shot to hell. Stiles let his legs lead him to the dining room, where a dim light showed his father leaned over a fifth of whiskey and a stack of papers. He hated lying. He hated that he was so good at lying. Especially to the one person who would believe him no matter what.

"…..Dad?" Tentatively stiles called to the other Stilinski.

Without raising his head, the sheriff replied, "What is the excuse this time, son? Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it. You lie more than you stand. What have you told me truth about in the last year? Anything? Your mother…-"The older man had fat tears rolling down his face and broke down before he could finish the statement. "You break my heart kid." The sheriff sobbed. "You took my wife, and now my son? I need my son…not this." Stiles' face was blank and emotionless as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. The oxygen seemed harder and harder to take in, with each passing moment. He felt confined in a box, and he felt like the box he was in was being carelessly thrown about in every which direction. Quietly, he chanted to himself:  
"Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminum, Selenium, Hydrogen, and Oxygen and Nitrogen and Rhenium…."  
Rocking himself back and forth, he managed to calm down enough to let a tear induce sleep claim him.

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Stiles POV

You know when you cry for so long and your eyes sting? You know when they are red and puffy and all you want to do is sleep? Well, sleep and I have a date. It's been awhile but I think it'll be alright. My heart breaks as my eyes close and I fall asleep to the sound of my father's cries and the distant howling of my...well Derek's pack. A wolf howls when its been separated from its pack, but I'm just Stiles. How I fell asleep, I will never know, but either way I'm grateful.

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I know its a really short chapter, but as it goes on they will get longer. Review? It makes for more inspiration and happy author. It really makes an authors day, and its not exactly a chore.

Thank you,

Love, Lu.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so sorry! I know I haven't updated in forever and i know this chapter is short and its terrible and im sorry.. I haven't had a laptop for a while so im going to post this little thing while I work on a longer chapter. I haven't abandoned this story so don't worry lol

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The next morning wasn't any better than last night. When I got down stairs, my dad was reading the news paper, almost like he was trying to ignore me. I sat and stewed over my little bowl of Cheerios and half mug of coffee. Oh, for the record: sugary cereal and caffeine isn't a good combination with aderall. Anyway, Instead of watching my dad look at out of the corner of his eye every few seconds, I decided to take a shower. I pulled myself up the stairs and locked the door so I could get a good look at the damage done last night. I involuntarily winced when I saw the new bruise on my shoulder. My body is already littered with them, but they are healing for the most part. Being a werewolf, I don't think Derek gets that humans don't heal as fast. "Well that's going to hurt like a bitch," I say to myself as I turned on the faucet. The bathroom fills with steam in no time, and right before I stepped in my dad rapped on the door.

"Stiles?" Hearing him say my name without being all mad or disappointed or whatever made me smile a little. "Yeah, dad?" I call back, hoping he wasn't going to talk about what happened last night.  
"Listen son, about last night…"  
'Damn.'  
"it's getting out of hand… you can't keep doing this. I'll be home early tonight, so you better make sure you are too. We'll talk some more later. I've got to go to work, but I'll be home." I sigh, and nod. "Okay dad." I listened for the front door closing before I get in the shower. The hot water feels good, but it only lasts so long. When I finish I go to my room and start the day.

Normal POV

The second that Stiles steps foot into his room, he shoved against the door, making him cry out as Derek grips the bruise he made last night again. "Ow, you dumbass! That freakin hurts!"

"Shut up," The alpha growled.  
"What happened, last night?" Stiles eyes widen for a second before he puts his mask back in place. "Well…after you practically told me to go away and stay away, I went home." The younger couldn't look the werewolf in the eyes without blushing.  
"Then what was your dad talking about?" Stiles shook his head,  
"Nothing..it doesn't matter, and anyway why are you here?"  
Derek growled lowly, "Lydia. She made me. Said you were sick but I guess she lied. You look like your normal annoying self to me." Stiles swallowed thickly.  
"Why?"  
Derek looked offended. "Why what?"  
"Why do you say stuff like that? Its like you're trying to make me feel bad. Like last night too…you did the same thing. Why would you do that?"  
Derek rolled his eyes, "because Stiles, you get in the wa-"  
"I'm sorry I can't do the things that you can do, but I've also risked a lot to help you. You treat me like I'm worthless." Stiles said, his voice shaking. The alpha let go of Stiles and scoffed. "If you can't handle it, Stay away. We don't need you, so don't complain." The younger boy nodded, and the werewolf ducked out of the open window.

Stiles crawled back into bed and cried. He knew it was a stupid reason to cry, but he couldn't help it. His chest hurt, and the gaping hole seemed to be getting bigger. School didn't seem like a good idea, so he stayed home and slept. While trying to will away the pain, Stiles didn't realize that he was no longer alone in his house.


End file.
